July 23, 2018

Total Bellas S03 E09 Recap and Full Show Video

Total Bellas S03 E09 Recap and Full Show Video
Paris: The City of Love. The name alone invokes images of baguettes, the Eiffel Tower, Audrey Hepburn, black-and-white films with Vaseline on the lens...and, somewhere in the distance, the simpering, whiny drone of former wrestler Nikki Bella, who is wangsting in the Ninth Arrondissement about her impending nuptials to WWE diva John Cena.

For those who have mercifully missed the rest of this season of Total Bellas, it has revolved -- almost single-handedly -- around the on-and-off wedding of these two, who probably deserve one another more than any other people on the planet. While Nikki was almost universally beloved, this whole scripted work of their "split" -- and her subsequent wangsting about her impending nuptials that SHE WANTED NO LESS -- has made her just as insufferable as her future husband. And I say "future husband" because, let's face it, they're going to get married, mostly because no one else will put up with either one of them.

When last we left our girl and her long-suffering sister, Brie, they were enjoying the sights and sounds of Paris for a bachelorette party for the ages. And while this week's episode has us back in Paris -- with all the gorgeous visuals to accompany it -- we're now left dealing with an over-the-top bride who doesn't want to tell "her girls" about her problems because she doesn't want to ruin their good time, but ultimately decides to unburden herself anyway, because to hell with Paris and "her girls" enjoying the city, that's why.

Peep how our girl talks about her "feelings" to her girls when she tries to explain why she's totes unsure about marrying John Cena, you guys.

"I'm just over sacrificing. But now he's sacrificing for me…but I'm over that word and that feeling. I'm just over it. We try to control our emotions, but I can't control how I'm feeling about everything right now. I feel like I'm still in shock," she said.

Well...yeah. That clears everything up, doesn't it? Let it out, Nikki. We're here for ya, girl. *insert eyeroll here*

And oh, look, Nikki practices walking down the aisle. Girl...stop already. We all know you've been practicing that stroll since the day you first heard the name "John Cena." We also all know you're going to walk down the aisle with him, if not this season, then definitely next season, because no one else will tolerate this mess.

Put it this way: Brie finally gets so disgusted with Nikki's "rules" for the bachelorette party that she finally goes off and does her own thing.

Speaking of Brie, back in her house, we see Daniel Bryan getting cleared for the ring, and things are very exciting for the Danielsons thereafter.

But oh, woe is all of us, for the preview of the Total Bellas Season 3 finale is upon us, and Nikki informs us that she can't marry John Cena -- she just can't! Oh woe is her! Wangst wangst wangst...sigh.

The season finale of Total Bellas airs next Sunday at 9:00 p.m. EST on E! Network.

Recap by Bernadette Giacomazzo


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